i don't like sucking hair
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
