your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
