I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
