You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize