She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize