Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
