Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize