i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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