Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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