just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
