My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize