dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
