Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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