i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
