i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
