I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
