I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
