hotel room ftw
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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