so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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