I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
