I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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