I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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