i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
