i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
