Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
