so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
