im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
