I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
