Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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