I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
