just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
