So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
