She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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