How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize