Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
