my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
