We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
