3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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