I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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