you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Randomize
