And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
