There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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