3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
