i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Randomize