The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
