He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
