Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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