He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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