If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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