I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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