i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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