this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
