Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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