i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
