you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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