dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
