We're like a lot better than the average bears
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
