if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
