This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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