i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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