dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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