Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
