your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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