So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
