You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
