there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize