How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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