...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
