i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
