she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
