I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
