Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You dont lie about slip and slides
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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