just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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